Steady As She Goes
by coverears
Summary: Because sometimes, healing happens in the littlest moments.
1. Chapter 1

"Caroline, honey, I'm fine." Liz said as she watched her daughter cover her up with yet another blanket. "It's been weeks – you don't have to do this every time you come visit. They are taking great care of me in here, you know." Caroline continued tucking her mother in, ignoring her insistence, as committed as ever.

"Caroline, stop." Liz said, grabbing her hand, stopping Caroline in her tracks. Caroline looked in her sick mother's eyes as she sat on the side of the bed, defeated.

"I can't help it." Caroline said, meekly with a sad smile. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I hate that you can't come home."

"I know. But, it's just easier to be here while I'm in treatment. You should go home and get some rest. You look like you haven't slept in days."

She hadn't slept in days. More like weeks, actually. She poured over books at the library on treatments and herbal remedies and scoured the internet looking for holistic doctors who claimed to find the cure in new-age medicine. She drank wine out of boxes and blood out of bags and cried on the kitchen floor of her childhood home, alone and in the dark. And she ignored every call and text and email from everyone who cared enough to call and text and email. But she didn't sleep.

"I don't like to leave you here alone, Mom. It's depressing." Caroline said, squeezing her mom's hand.

"It's more depressing to me to see you like this. Go out, eat something good…" Liz's choice of words made Caroline chuckle, causing her to shake her head. "You know what I mean. Call your friends. Call Stefan." Liz felt Caroline stiffen at the mention of Stefan's name. "He's come by a lot to visit. It's kind of him to do."

"Yeah." Caroline replied, looking past her mother and nodding. A nurse interrupted with an announcement that visiting hours were over and it was time for Caroline to leave. She leaned over and gave her mother a kiss on the forehead before she left. "I'll be back tomorrow morning to check in." Liz smiled back as Caroline gathered her things and left.

* * *

><p>Caroline sighed heavy as she dropped her bag in the foyer of her Mystic Falls home. She'd been staying there since the veil was lifted, despite the commute to school. Not that she was going to school much these days. It was the last thing on her mind.<p>

She walked upstairs to her room and stood in the doorway for a moment, surveying the chaos. She had brought all of her wardrobe with her from school and her room had suffered the brunt of a girl with too many clothes and not enough time to organize them. She shook her head with anxiety as she stepped over a suitcase to grab some leggings, a tee shirt and a long sweater before hopping into the shower. The old Caroline would have never let it get this bad. The old Caroline would have done a lot of things different, she thought.

She had just gone downstairs to grab a blood bag from the kitchen – O neg, her favorite – when she heard a knock on the door. She put the bag back and checked herself in the mirror as she walked by, her messy bun airing on the side of messy more than bun. She faintly smiled when she saw Stefan at the door.

"Hey." She said, opening the door as Stefan leaned against the frame.

"Hey." He said, smiling back. "I went by the hospital and your mom said I just missed you. Thought you may want some company? I brought reinforcements." He held up a bottle of whiskey and a pizza – one of the few foods she still loved, even though it tasted different as a vampire.

She laughed lightly as she held the door open, gesturing for him to come inside. He smiled at her as he walked past and into the kitchen, opening the pizza box on the center island and grabbing two glasses from above the sink. When he turned around, Caroline was already once slice deep and drinking from the bottle.

"…Maybe I should have gotten two pizzas." He laughed. Caroline gave an annoyed smile and hopped onto the island, her legs dangling down as she passed the bottle to Stefan. He drank and passed it back. "Liz seemed good today. Strong."

Caroline scoffed. "As strong as you can be when cancer is eating your brain, I guess." Stefan looked at her, quiet. "Ugh, I'm sorry. You're being nice and I'm being a bitch."

"No, it's okay." He replied, turning his back to lean on the center island next to her. "I understand."

"It's not okay. You've been so great to my mom and I, I should be nicer to you." She said, running her hands through her messy hair.

"I'll take that as a thank you," he replied, smiling over to her and nudging her slightly with his shoulder. "And you're welcome."

She nodded and smiled back as she grabbed the bottle and took another long drink, neither breaking eye contact as she does.

* * *

><p>She'll never understand why vampires still get hangovers. She can survive being stabbed and shot, but too much whiskey and the world spins.<p>

She groaned as she opened her eyes and sat up from the couch she'd been sprawled out on. She did a quick scan of the room, looking for Stefan and buried the pang of disappointment she felt when she didn't find him. She stood up, picking up her sweater that had been thrown off at some point in the night and the pizza crust and empty bottle on the table in front of her. She jumped in the air, startled, when a familiar voice came up behind her.

"Morning." Stefan said, scratching his head and rubbing his face. He was wearing his jeans and socks and his undershirt, his button up thrown over the chair he must have slept in, she thought. "I don't think that was Damon's best bottle. My head kills." He said, walking closer to her and taking some of the trash from her hands to help. "Do you feel okay?"

"I've felt better. I just need to eat." She said, brushing past him to the refrigerator to get two blood bags, one for each of them. Stefan threw out the empty bottle and sat across from her at the kitchen table, tucking into the blood bag Caroline placed down for him.

This had become a pretty regular routine for them. They would spend all night drinking, laughing, crying and the next morning they would share breakfast and he would go home while she went to the hospital to see Liz. Caroline had begun to rely on the consistency of it – it was the only thing she could count on. Even if part of her still resented him for running away, she could count on him now. And she needed him.

"Do you want company at the hospital today?" He asked, draining what was left of his blood bag and getting up to throw it away. He took her empty bag from her.

"Thank you," she said, ignoring the electricity that ran through her when their fingers touched. "But, I can't stay there long today. My mom has a lot of tests so she'll be busy most of the day, and really tired when she's done. I think I make it worse when I'm there on days like that." She said, sadly.

"I don't think you could ever make anyone's day worse, Caroline." Stefan said, pouring a cup of coffee for himself. "Quite the opposite, really." He winked at her as she looked at him.

"You know what I mean. I think it may make it harder for her to have to worry about me all the time. She told me yesterday that I needed to go out and have fun – she basically told me to stop being such a loser." She uncomfortably chuckled as she stood up and stretched. Stefan looked away, trying not to notice her bare midriff as she did.

He had been catching himself a lot more lately – catching himself seeing her differently, thinking of her differently. The more time they spent together, the closer they got, the blurrier the lines got. He remembers the night a few weeks ago when Caroline cried in his arms and drunkenly kissed him, lightly, begging him to distract her from her pain. He wanted her in that moment, but not like that. So he pushed it down, like he's done everyday since.

"I better hop in the shower and go," Caroline said, grabbing her sweater off the counter to take it upstairs with her. She walked over to Stefan and quickly kissed him on the cheek before turning away. "I'll call you later – just lock up when you head out."

His cheek had never felt on fire like that before.


	2. Chapter 2

"Elena, I'm not going." Caroline barked into the phone at her best friend as she walked down Main Street towards the Grill, where she was meeting Stefan, Alaric and Damon for a quick afternoon drink. She had found herself wanting to spend more time with the guys than Elena and Bonnie. She loved them, but they were too emotional. She needed a stiff drink and a friend who didn't want to talk about her dying mother.

"C'mon, Care," Elena argued. "You love parties and dances and this one is a FORMAL party. Plus, it's Jeremy's birthday so you kind of owe it to me, as the best friend." Caroline rolled her eyes at the guilt card. It was really her only motivating factor these days. And she had forgotten it was Jeremy's birthday. Oops.

"I just don't feel much like dancing these days. I'm sure you understand." Caroline bit back, met with silence on the other end. She immediately felt guilty. "But, I will think about it. I gotta go. I'll tell your boyfriend hello for you." She hung up as she entered the grill and saw the three muskateers sitting at the bar. Alaric was inbetween the brothers, all three of them leaned over their drinks like they were whispering into their glasses. The bar was empty. Humans didn't drink at 3 in the afternoon like vampires did, she guessed.

"Hey Blondie," said Damon as he turned his chair around to greet her. "Your usual?" He asked, as she nodded and smiled. Damon had been a great friend the past few weeks. He loved Liz, and he had really been trying to be there for Caroline. She didn't suppose it was out of the goodness of his own heart as much as for Liz or Elena or maybe even Stefan, but he was one of the few people who didn't act like she was broken so she chose to believe it was genuine. Alaric and Stefan both turned around and Stefan nodded his head to the stool next to him at the bar. She poured herself into it as the bartender placed her drink in front of her. Stefan squeezed her shoulder as she sat down.

"Ric, your girlfriend almost got mind melted by her psychopathic warlock brother. Put on the tux and take her to a dance if that's what she wants," Damon said, picking up the conversation from where it left off before Caroline came in. "Trust me, it will pay off in spades." Damon wriggled his eyebrows in the way that made Caroline remember all the reasons he made her skin crawl. She glanced over at Stefan and saw his jaw clench as he finished his drink and motioned for another. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy in her gut when she saw how the idea of Elena choosing Damon still affected him.

"I know, I know. I just hate dancing. I've always hated it." Ric replied.

"Maybe you just need a better partner." Stefan snarked, eliciting a smirk from Damon.

"Speaking of, I have to get out of here and pick up my tux from the cleaners. I can't be late to Jeremy's party or Elena will have my head." Damon said as he slid off his stool, and threw some cash on the bar.

"She got over you killing him, I'm sure she'll allow you to be a few minutes late to his birthday." Alaric ribbed, as Damon shoved him off his stool on his way out the door.

"That's probably enough for me too," Alaric said, straightening up his jacket and closing his tab. "Apparently, I have a dance to go to tonight." He patted Stefan on the back and smiled at Caroline. "See you guys later."

"I don't know if I should be offended or impressed with my ability to clear a room." Caroline laughed, gesturing to the bartender for another drink. "How's your day been?" She asked, turning her body to Stefan, who had already shifted in his stool to face her.

"Pretty uneventful. Did some laundry, ate some bunnies, the usual." His eyes twinkled as he smiled at her. If she wasn't sitting down, her knees would have buckled beneath her she thought. She shook her head slightly to shake the thought out of her head. "How's your mom? Did you get to stay long?"

"Only an hour or so. She seemed to be in good spirits. I'll go back tomorrow." He nodded in agreement.

"Elena called me to try and get you to go to the party tonight." Stefan said matter-of-factly. She knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't push her to do anything right now. He'd been walking on eggshells with her since her mother's diagnosis. She loved that he cared so much but wished he didn't find her so delicate.

"I'm sure. She just doesn't get it. She thinks it would be a good distraction."

"Would it?"

"I don't know. I think it would just remind me of my old life and everything's that changed. I don't need anymore reminders." She motioned for the bartender to tab her out as she finished her second drink. "I need to get to Whitmore and compel an advisor to give me an incomplete this semester since I've attended zero classes so far."

"I got it," Stefan said, grabbing the tab and giving the bartender his credit card. Caroline gave him an opposing look but, just like every other time they do this, she knew she wouldn't win. "Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm good. I will see you later? I'll be around tonight if you want to come by."

"Sure." She smiled and waved goodbye as she left.

* * *

><p>Caroline smiled to herself when the doorbell rang at 7:00 – right on time. She had gotten used to his visits like clockwork. She picked up her glass of wine and opened the door. Stefan stood in front of her in an impeccable navy tux with one hand in his pocket and another holding a corsage.<p>

"Come on, Forbes. We're going out tonight." He said as he pushed past her and grabbed her arm.

"What are you talking about?" She said, half laughing, half annoyed as he dragged her upstairs. "Where are we going?"

"Jeremy's party." She audibly groaned as he drudged them both toward her room. He stopped dead in his tracks as he opened her door. He realized that in all the times he'd been at her house, she'd never let him in her room. "…your room seems…nice." She slid in front of him and closed the door, leaning back against it.

"Yeah. Look, I'm not going. I'm not dressed, and I have nothing to wear. And I'm sorry you went to all this trouble with the corsage and you look…very handsome," She placed her hands on his chest and straightened his lapels. He knew she was starting to ramble, and didn't have the heart to stop her. "But, I just don't think I can do it. Everyone there will ask how I am and how my mom is and I just can't drink and dance and act like I'm not broken on the inside. So, maybe we can just stay here and order some food and watch DVR because I have an entire season of "Sons of Anarchy" you said you wanted to watch and…"

"Stop." He put his hands on both sides of her face and noticed she was tearing up as she refused to look at him. "We can't do this. I won't let you do this. You can't stay holed up here and hiding from the world. Everyone misses you. I miss you." He almost whispers.

"You see me everyday." She replied, still staring at the ground.

"I still miss you." She matched his glance as his thumb strokes her cheek, wiping away the single tear that fell. "Let's go. Together. We will drink and we will dance like we've always done and if it gets to be too much, we will leave. Just say the word." He smiled at her, begging her to reconsider. She searched his face for a way out.

"Fine. But you have to give me some time to get ready. I don't know if I have a dress that matches your tux. You stay here." She disappeared behind the door of her chaotic room, leaving Stefan to grin in the hallway.

* * *

><p>If there's one thing Caroline Forbes knew how to do, it was how to dress for a party. As she went through her closet looking for the perfect dress, she was surprised to find herself getting excited. Not necessarily about the dance- she'd been to a million formals before, she practically invented the word for Mystic Falls – but to go with Stefan. They had become so close the past few weeks, and he had really stepped up. Or maybe he had just become who he had always been. She felt like she was in a constant struggle between being grateful for his friendship, and so sad that that's all there was. But, if that's all there is – unparalleled friendship – then she would get used to that. Which she knew would be a lot harder to do when he wears a tux the way he does.<p>

She found the dress she was looking for – a short black lace number that she only wore once, and she was certain Stefan had never seen before. She let the curlers out of her hair and ran her fingers through them to loosen them, finished her makeup and stepped into the dress. She got it zipped halfway up before she realized she would never get it zipped all the way unless she detached her arm from her body. She called down to Stefan for help, who was there in a flash.

"I need your help – I can't zip this up." She said, her back to him when he walked in. He hesitated for just a moment before he felt her breath hitched as his bare fingers touched the small of her back. Was it just her, or was he zipping this dress up impossibly slowly? When it was zipped, he left his hands on her shoulders for a minute before she turned around. He stepped back as she straightened it.

"You look like…"

"…like what?" She shifted nervously and smiled.

"You look beautiful." He stepped toward her to give her the corsage he brought. A cream lily.

"Thank you," she smiled as she gave him her wrist. "I just need to find my other shoe in this pile of crap." They both laughed as they searched for her left black pump. She grabbed her clutch and headed for the stairs. "Well, come on. Cinderella will turn back into a sad, miserable, masochistic pumpkin at midnight so we better get a move on."

Stefan chuckled as Caroline came back to life right before his eyes. "I don't think Cinderella was the one who turned into the pumpkin…" He said as he followed her out of the room.

"…Really?" She said, shooting daggers at him at the top of the stairs as he ushered her down.


End file.
